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You Bastard is the sole remaining camel in the Royal stables of Djelibeybi (lit. Child of the Djel). He also happens to be the greatest mathematician on the disc.

Pteppic and Ptraci use him to escape the city as it is collapsing dimensionally. Pteppic is told that, rather than go into advanced maneuvers like turning, he should just get off and do it himself. Pteppic uses his need for water force him to calculate how to get back into Djelibeybi when it makes its 90 degree shift and vanishes, since the River Djel has to be somewhere in the crack.

As with most camels, he refuses to do anything until you beat him with a stick and swear at him. He does, however, break this rule once, toward the end of Pyramids. He is very methodical, never hurrying until he has mathematically worked through the current issue, even if it means that arrows are bouncing off him as he and his passengers are under attack. Like all camels he is very accurate when he spits at people, working the trajectory out mathematically.

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